Opening up about your mental health; it can be terrifying. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
This will all be okay.
*Deep breath.* You don’t have to walk this path alone.
Speak Up
Even if you are pretty open about your experiences with mental illness, you may still have a hard time opening up to others when you are really in the throes of it.
As we feel like we’re drowning in darkness that little voice inside our head tells us it’s time to bring help to this fight; that we need support now; that this is not a time to be alone.
But yet, we talk ourselves out of it time and time again because we’re scared. Excuses flood our mind. The illness convinces us that they don’t have the time or energy for this. We’re embarrassed, we feel incompetent, maybe even pathetic.
Despite these feelings, speak up. Be honest about where you’re at. Build your circle and get the help you need. I’ll help you know how to do that.
It gets better
This is a big step towards making mental stability your reality.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable takes a lot of courage. We have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.
It can be extremely difficult to just say the words to describe what we’re going through. They can be right there, hanging on your tongue, ready. But actually getting them out there seems so daunting.
Sometimes, our world is darker than we really want people to know. We don’t want loved ones to worry or judge us.
It’s okay and completely natural to feel anxious about talking to someone about your mental state. But listen to me. You don’t have to feel scared or guilty or embarrassed for reaching out for help.
Take Courage
As you let people into this part of your world, talking gets easier, even freeing. The battle gets easier. You’re exercising muscles that will get stronger with time and practice.
However grim your situation may be, relationships can actually deepen as you express this deep and sacred trust to another.
And you know the best part? You won’t have to fight this fight alone anymore.
The support you so desperately need is within arm’s reach. Take courage, you’re so close to taking a huge step in your healing journey.
Start Small
As mentioned before, you will have to push yourself out of your comfort zone at least a little when seeking support, but don’t ever feel like you have to tell anyone everything at first, or ever if you are truly uncomfortable with it.
Story time: I once had a trauma eating at me that I knew I needed to get off my chest, but just couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone I know about it, even those I trust the most. So I started trauma therapy with my counselor and it was hard, but I finally did it and told someone.
That conversation gave me the strength I needed to tell a couple of people very close to me. It was still difficult and I still couldn’t dive into every detail, but saying the fact of what happened to me was at long last manageable and it brought us closer together.
After years of carrying the weight by myself, I wasn’t alone in this anymore. Can you imagine how freeing that is? I want that for you. You deserve it, and you don’t even have to spill every little detail to feel that weight lifted off your shoulders. There’s still only one person who I could bring myself to tell the details to; my counselor. And at least for now, I feel that that’s enough.
It can be so hard, even painful, to allow ourselves to be so vulnerable, but I knew that in order to start on the path to getting better, and sometimes to save my own life, I had to.
And I promise it gets easier.
Need help showing love to yourself? I can help you here.
Critical Information
However, anything that is crucial to know in order to get you the help you need should be shared, even if it’s extremely difficult to talk about.
For example, if you’re struggling with suicidal ideation, but only get as far as to say that you’re depressed because that’s all you’re comfortable with sharing at that time, the magnitude of your situation has not been addressed and steps that need to be taken to fully be able to help you are likely to be skipped, leaving you continuing to bear a big part of this burden by yourself.
I would urge jumping right to the really hard stuff if you are in danger of hurting yourself.
If you are in crisis, please seek immediate help.
Even in these times, if you just can’t bring yourself to say the words, all you need to say is “I am not well right now I really need support. Can you come over?”
Get Past Feeling Like A Burden
Do not feel like you’re being a burden by telling someone about what you’re going through.
You’re not. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone shows them that you love and trust them and they’ll appreciate that.
I know it’s so hard not to feel this way because I have felt like my people already had enough on their own plate. When I finally got past that fear, they expressed compassion and actually thanked me for telling them!
Your loved ones want you healthy, not suffering. It’s better to let them in than to suffer alone. It gives them a glimpse into your world and understanding of what’s really going on when you don’t seem like yourself. It helps them give you some grace when you can’t offer your whole self.
And that leads me right into the next thing I want to say.
Help People Understand. Help Them Give You Grace.
I go to church every week and I teach a children’s Sunday school class. It is something I enjoy doing and I love those who I teach.
When I was suffering from antepartum depression (during pregnancy), I started “hiding” in a side room. It became too much stimulation and too much responsibility that I wasn’t sure I could fulfill at times.
I was dropping the ball and not able to deliver my full potential to my class. I was barely even making it to class. It was time for me to speak up.
I had decided to share my struggles with the woman in charge. We celebrated my pregnancy, then I continued to tell her that I had also been really depressed and was having a hard time fulfilling my responsibility to teach my class. She sympathized with me as I told her about my hiding and how hard this all was for me. Surprisingly, she expressed to me that she, too, struggles with depression. I would have never guessed.
If I hadn’t told her about my mental state and how it was affecting my calling, she could have easily misunderstood my behavior as me just slacking instead of knowing where I’m really coming from. She was willing to conform to my needs, now knowing what I was going through.
It’s the same with any relationships we have. They may notice that you seem off. Help them understand why because I’m assuming you don’t want the people you love to get upset with you because they don’t understand why you may be acting a certain way or to feel like you’re upset with them. As I said before, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone is an expression of love and trust. These relationships are likely to deepen when you’re just honest with them.
How Therapy Can Help
Seeing a mental health professional can be extremely beneficial when struggling to open up to loved ones or when you don’t feel that you have anyone to go to. You can see a counselor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, naturopath, a primary care doctor, etc. in person or even online. There are so many resources out there, even some for free!
It can be much easier to get to the nitty gritty with a stranger who is specially trained to help people with exactly this. Someone who is neutral, and who you can trust to not judge you. A professional can also help you come up with your own plan to open up and build your circle!
Taking the first step to getting professional help can be overwhelming. There’s such a stigma around mental health and being “in therapy”, but seriously, thank goodness for it!
I was shy at first to seek out a counselor or other help and then also hesitant to share that I was seeing a professional (or multiple) and often skipped that detail in conversations but I’ve learned that as I get more comfortable talking about it, guess what? No one thinks I’m crazy for it. More people than we realize need and are already in therapy too!
You can just spew all the darkness in your head to a counselor or other professional that you don’t want the people in your life to know right off the bat. The good ones won’t bat an eye, but instead, can sympathize with you, console you, and help you to start building coping skills tailored to your specific needs.
If you missed my story in the “Start Small” section above, maybe go back and read that. It is a great example of how therapy helped me open up to my loved ones.
Hesitant to spend the time, energy, and money? Well around here, we believe that the best investment is in your health, mental or physical.
Reactions To Look Forward To
I think you’ll be surprised at how many people can sympathize with you or even empathize with you. You’ll be shocked to learn how many people can relate to mental illness. Just search for support groups on social media!
Opening up to others allows them to also share their struggles with you. You’ll learn who understands and that you’re actually not alone, though your illness is telling you that you are.
Even those who may have never experienced this kind of pain can offer much needed support. Mental health awareness is reaching a lot of people and they are starting to understand the weight of it.
You never know how someone is going to react until you try and you just might find that it was one of the best things you could have done for yourself.
Reactions To Prepare Yourself For
I’m sorry to say that there is a possibility that some people may not respond in the way you want or need. It hurts, but ultimately, it’s okay. Prepare yourself for this.
The fact is that some just really won’t understand. Some are just caught up in their own lives. That can really hurt. But it doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, this kind of thing just may not be their forte. They might not know what to do and sometimes people just slip up. Sometimes they slip up big time.
I’m really sorry, I’ve experienced this before too. Lots, actually. But over time, I’ve learned who my most trusted friends are. And that’s important.
This process of building your support circle helps us identify those who we can really rely on when we need them. Don’t let disappointing reactions keep you from continuing to find the help you need. You’ll find it.
Look At All You Have To Offer
Now I would like to suggest that you strive to strengthen the relationships you have. Having the energy to do so may be really difficult while dealing with intense mental illness, but if you can muster up even just a little bit of effort to do it, no matter how small, it may very well pay off.
Check on those you love. You know how lonely the darkness feels. You have something really powerful to offer to others: experience and understanding.
You know what responses can really, truly help because of your own experiences.
We all just want to know that we’re not the only ones struggling with the burdens we keep private, even if our journeys are different.
Genuinely listen when they speak, not just when they talk about their struggles but the good stuff too as long as you have the energy to. This makes people feel truly loved and understood and they are more likely to return the favor; to check on you, listen, and offer support.
Conclusion
Dearest reader, my heart goes out to you. Give these suggestions a try and see how it goes. Baby steps. Don’t let the fear of letting people in keep you from getting the help you need.
We all need love and we all need support and you are worth it. You are about to take a huge step in your healing journey. Take comfort in knowing that the sun always comes up after the night.
All my love. Until next time.
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